Tuesday, July 31, 2007

High-Stepping Pizzas: You've Come To The Right Place

Pun City is back and feeling much more "above the weather" today. And at 102 degrees Farenheit, per the Walgreen's thermometer in Grafton, that's saying a lot. Let's get it started with some links.

First is a site the Marketing Sensei recommended, break.com. A lot of great videos there, this blog was a fan of this particular link:


Pun City also stumbled across this growing site, which has a fairly comprehensive selection of commercials:


Now, on to some ridiculousness. This blog often gets visitors coming from weird searches. Among these searches are such unique and varied phrases as "Pun City" (#1 out of 2 million, baby!); "commercial Ronnie Lott boy howdy" (#4 of 30,000+); and "webcamzz.com" (depends on the engine, usually top 5 of maybe 20).

Well, Pun City checks this out (Pun City is pretty self-aware for a website), and it thinks it's cool to have some poor bastards coming in here, not knowing what to expect. But this blog thought it would like to be the champ of all kinds of searches. Random searches, pointless searches, confounding and useless searches. For instance, this blog wants to be known as your source for the following:

High-stepping pizzas. This blog wants people to come here and find out relevant facts about high-stepping pizzas. People wearing pizza costumes aren't often seen high-stepping, but this blog thinks we need more of that. Pizzas, for the most part being inanimate, don't get up and high-step on their own. This blog found out that high-stepping while carrying a pizza isn't too challenging, but is way fun.

Deion Sanders, who made his name playing a couple sports and high-stepping after interceptions, also had a famous commercial where he pitched Pizza Hut with Jerry Jones. That most likely was the greatest moment for high-stepping pizzas, for this blog's money. (With the possible exception of when this blog high-stepped down its hall with a pizza last week, that was a great moment just in general world history though, so Pun City isn't sure if it qualifies).

This blog has three goals now:

Goal 1 - Find some picture of a pizza high stepping.

How about we get this guy to high-step?
This guy seems like a little bit of a pizza poser, but if this blog got him to high-step, that might tip him over to full high-stepping pizza status.
This dude's a complete idiot, no one needs to see that high-stepping.
While not a pizza, Pun City will advocate seeing this girl high-step. Or pretty much do anything, for that matter.

Goal 2 - Become the leading source for "high-stepping pizzas" on a major search engine.

There's only like 697 competitors out there, none of which have provided the type of high-stepping pizza coverage Pun City has here. The amount of high-stepping pizza coverage here puts all other websites to shame.

Goal 3 - Earn the top mark.

Pun City won't be content to just break the top 10 of "high-stepping pizza" searches. This blog's goal is to blow through the number 1 spot and have Google consider adding a number zero spot because of the dominance Pun City will eventually hold over all other high-stepping pizza "destinations."

While other seemingly inane and offbeat search keywords were considered, this blog sought out high-stepping pizzas, because Pun City sees the potential there. Pun City knows that high-stepping pizzas are one of the biggest issues facing Americans today. Pun City believes that YouTube Debate questioners should be asking Mike Gravel what he is going to do to promote the use of high-stepping pizzas in the plains, then asking Duncan Hunter how he plans to stop the scourge of high-stepping pizzas in our forests. (The correct answer to both questions, of course: Appizzament).

So now you know another tenet this blog stands for, and you can go out and spread the word to all of your friends that are seeking more information on high-stepping pizzas.

And if you get the chance, click on Pun City's link after searching for high-stepping pizzas.

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Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Satellite Bob: The Man, The Myth, The Legend

Good evening, Pun City's a little under the weather this evening, but it's going to see what it can do. Shouldn't be a problem though, this entry writes itself....

Last Wednesday, Pun City, after a 5-month wait, finally ended up getting satellite installed at the Condo. (Or Condotel as it is sometimes called). The process was somewhat of an ordeal, however the story ends up being priceless.

The first introduction Pun City had to technician Bob was over the phone. He seemed a little informal, but guy's a satellite installer, not a consierge.

Later Wednesday, Pun City got to meet Bob in person. Pun City swears that these details are factual. Bob was wearing a 96.5 WKLH t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off. The shirt dated to approximately the late 1980s and was worn to the point of translucency. Another part of his ensemble was a pair of fairly short shorts, with a pattern reminiscent of Zubaz but not exactly that style. Oh yeah, and those were also translucent.

Completing the look was a hairstyle that went to about mid-back (2+ feet long), very wavy and slightly greying.

Details of Bob's life were sketchy. He used to work for the Brewers "until (he) decided to grow his hair out." He was also in possession of a gigantic drill, with a $300.00 bit that was capable of 1-inch round holes and probably was about as long as Bob's hair. He had gotten this from "the guy that got him into the satellite business, and then screwed him out of $240,000 - it's a long story." "The one thing that was good was that he only used top-of-the-line equipment. Personally, I would never get this."

Pun City didn't pry beyond this info. Bob seemed to be missing an entire decade somewhere, as the following conversation happened:

Bob (looking at Pun City's 1994 World Series ball): "Nice, what year was it, '91, '92?"

Pun City: (Gives quizical look)

Bob: "That the Brewers went to the World Series?"

Pun City: "82."

This was not because he wasn't a sports fan, as noted earlier, he had worked for the Brewers. Pun City can only assume that 1982-1991 was a blur for him.

This is not to say that Bob does not stay busy. Despite never wearing hats, he does have a collection of hats he receives as gifts - "only stuff you can't buy." Among the hats he owns are a florescent orange Alabama hat (the band, not the state); and a "Girls Gone Wild" hat he got for working on the sound for one of their videos. That's right, this guy was part of the production crew for a Girls Gone Wild video.

Some other gems from Bob:

On his 1500-piece Guitar Pick collection: "That puts Hard Rock Cafe TO SHAME!....I mean, they've got guitars and outfits and stuff, but..."

"We're a noon to midnight business. Call in the morning, you're DEFINITELY getting voicemail. Call at 11:00 at night - not too late, I'll pick up."

On a picture of 3 bikini-clad women on the back of one of Pun City's Sports Illustrateds: (craning neck to get a better view) "Nice! You gotta appreciate good art!"

Entering the condo for the first time: "I've gotta you-know-what like a racehorse! Can I use your facilities?"

Same topic: "I was going to just go outside on a tree but I figured that you guys might get in trouble if anyone saw that."

So there you have it, this guy was (and is) pretty legendary. We all should be able to meet a Bob-like personality at some point.

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Tuesday, July 17, 2007

A.J. Romens is Back: More Like Superman or Tupac?

Editor's note: (And this blog uses the term "Editor" very loosely) - Former Phonograph editor A.J. "Ronk" Romens is back tonight with a topic of great concern. Enjoy!

Thanks to Brian for letting me guest blog. There’s some stuff I need to talk about…

So, there’s this girl who doesn’t wear any pants.

I first encountered her about three weeks ago. She was moving into the downstairs apartment in a friend’s building. I was over there to view a couple Quantum Leap episodes. You see, I’m unemployed and I’ve been spending the summer trying to watch the entire NBC series featuring Scott Bakula and Dean Stockwell… I am getting off track.

When I arrived, she was moving a couch and other large objects out of the apartment, with the help of an apparent roommate and some older company. She was lifting, squatting, bending over and all the other required motions for moving things, and she was doing them all pantsless.

Let me describe exactly what she was wearing. The top half of her was covered in one of those empire shirts. I am no expert in today’s fashion, but I have seen many females wearing these tank-top-type shirts that start out tight around the chest-region (nothing wrong with that) then become loose and flow-y, as if to cover up a pregnancy or a doughnut habit.

These shirts are popular these days. All the girls are wearing them. This one girl, however, was wearing it as a dress.

Fortunately, this girl is not a washed up skank-lebrity, so she was wearing underwear.

After thinking about this for some time, I concluded that she must have taken off her pants because they were too cumbersome to the moving process. I saw her point and decided that my upcoming move would also be done pantsless. Anything for comfort and efficiency.

Then, last week, I encountered her again. She was again wearing the same kind of clothing, and, of course, sans-pants. But this time, she was not moving anything. Instead, she was eating shish cabob with some friends in front of the building. She was sitting on the steps in front of the stoop and her left knee was about a yard away from her right knee. And in between: the blinding glare of unobstructed pink underwear.

As I approached to walk by her and enter the door, her position didn’t change. I tried not to stare, but a display like that is like a car-accident and a solar eclipse happening simultaneously in your back yard. You have to look.

So now I am at a loss why she refuses to wear pants. Is she a hippy? An exhibitionist? Trying to start a new fashion trend? I have no idea. Maybe I don’t want to know.

In other things eating away at my mind:

-- I think I figured out how to build a death-proof airplane. First, take that giant 500 seat Airbus plane, and remove all but 8 seats. This will be the passenger area. Next, protect the passenger area in a roll cage made out of solid titanium and other hard things. Finally, make the rest of the plane “crumple zone.” While the pilots would die in a horrible crumpling tragedy, at least the eight passengers would be safe. Average ticket price on this airplane: $150,000.

-- There should be a reality show like NBC’s “Age of Love” that features 40 year old women, 20 year old woman, and one “Wild Card:” a mature-looking 15 year old girl that could send the reality show’s star to a federal penitentiary for 20 years. That would be compelling television.

Thanks a lot to Ronk for stopping by, hopefully he can do that again. Pun City would like to go on record as saying it is a strong proponent of the "Wild Card" suggestion but a much stronger supporter of pantsless girls.

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Saturday, July 07, 2007

Pun City Reserves The Conference Room

Had a chance to cruise NCAA Basketball sites this weekend, found some interesting links.

This isn't really a link, but Pun City might be "breaking" the story that the West Coast Conference is holding their Conference tournament in San Diego for 2008. This will be at the Jenny Craig Pavilion on the campus of the University of San Diego. This was confirmed with a representative from the WCC office over the phone last week.
BYU was one of the first schools in the country to release its non-conference schedule Here.

The Atlantic Sun announced Lipscomb will host the next two Atlantic Sun Men's Basketball championships here. Lipscomb is in Nashville, also home to Belmont, which hosted the 2004 and 2005 tournaments. Additionally, the A-Sun announced they would have streamed broadcast of their athletic contests available online, though it's unclear if it will be set up where the games are free like the Horizon League, or must be subscribed to for a price, like the Missouri Valley and SoCon.

Binghamton was announced as the host of the 2008 America East Men's Basketball tournament, at least until the title game, when it will go to the highest seed's home court (which could potentially still be Binghamton, Pun City supposes).

At this point this blog is strongly considering heading to a West Coast Conference - Mountain West Conference (with possible Big West or Pac-10 sidetrip) swing. The main problems with this trip would be the dearth of WCC tickets available to the general (read: non-10-year-season-ticket-holding) fans; and the potential expense of staying in San Diego and Las Vegas. WCC tickets would almost certainly need to be scalped, but this blog has seen a number of those games broadcast the last few years, and the only games that actually sell out would be those involving Gonzaga. It would be a mildly risky gambit going down there without tickets in hand, but this blog can't imagine missing too many games considering that there's a lot of "empty-seat supply" available down there.

A bonus would be that the Los Angeles (or Anaheim) side trip would be a fairly cheap side trip thanks to this blog's access to possibly free lodging for the evening. Pac-10 seats might not be too cheap though, which is why this blog might be apt to go back to the Big West instead (as you may know, this blog has been to both the Big West and Pac-10 previously, so no additional conference would be added on that particular "bonus" swing).

Other bonuses would include this blog's first trip to San Diego and Las Vegas, as well as the relative ease of getting good Mountain West seats (a very good value as far as conference tournaments are concerned). Beyond this, California is good for an In-N-Out Burger stop or three, plus Jack-In-The-Box.
In a total non-sequitor, here's a picture of Dirk Nowitzki playing tennis:

On a non-conference note, this blog found the following link to an outstanding Ronnie Lott and Joe Montana commercial from a few years back. Try and name the product it's advertising before the screen tells you, Boy Howdy it's a tough one.

Also of note, for those of you that enjoyed Phonograph - Pun City plans to have Phonograph creator AJ "Ronk" Romens stop by for a "guest blog" within the next few weeks. Possibly as early as next week. Pun City is handing over full editorial control to Ronk for whenever he stops in, so you never know what we might get from that, although one would guess whatever he comes up with should appeal to the audience (almost certainly more than this blog normally does, anyway).

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Monday, July 02, 2007

Pun City's Celebrity Encounters and Strange But True Confessions

This blog is headed to the Weird Al Yankovic show at Summerfest tomorrow, so Pun City figured it would put one up a day early. Two sources of inspiration here: one was a MySpace "survey" asking for 10 random facts about you. The other was an article/post on si.com where they were talking about encounters with famous people, in particular athletes. Without further ado:

10. This blog enjoys the music of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Hilary Duff. It's good stuff, have a listen some time.

9. Pun City has never exceeded 5 dates with the same girl. This might be common in the blogging community, but them's the breaks.

8. This blog sometimes prefers taking statistics to actually playing video games. Playing is often the means to the end of the statistics.

7. While working for Enterprise Rent-A-Car for two summers, this blog found over $20.00 in change in the rental cars each summer.

6. This blog was once accosted by a man playing church league softball for calling a ball that had hit the plate a strike. All balls that hit the plate are strikes. The ball clearly had hit the plate. This blog was a volunteer umpire pressed into duty 2 minutes before the game. Key words here: volunteer, accosted, and church league.

5. This blog's most recent video gaming system is Playstation 1. The NES and SNES are good enough for now. But this blog is waiting until they create a system where the graphics are better than real life.

4. Pun City has a hat and shirt rotation that matches up 223 hats with 223 shirts. This blog grabs the next one up in the closet every day, as detailed here. On Sunday, a Wisconsin Basketball shirt came up in the order. This was notable in that Pun City was headed to Marquette basketball season ticket renewal. After arriving in full Wisconsin regalia, the MU workers told this blog "You are about 90 miles east of where you need to be....." "Argh! It's, like, blinding! Ahh! Red shoes!" Once the initial pleasantries were dispensed, Pun City had a seat and awaited its appointment time. Minutes later, a female worker emerged from the back with a Marquette t-shirt. She presented it to Pun City, saying "We're going to ask that you wear this in to the appointment, because otherwise they're going to rip you to shreds in there." This blog graciously obliged, now knowing that the t-shirt order is self-sustaining.

3. Pun City doesn't eat breakfast. In college, this blog found out that it was a huge waste of time. It also noticed that gaining weight is easier when you eat breakfast. Pun City is a firm believer that breakfast is the least important meal of the day.

2. Pun City has attended 14 of 30 NCAA men's basketball conference tournaments in the last 4 years. The goal is to get to all 30 in Pun City's lifetime.

1. Pun City was half of the first (and still only) doubles victory for Grafton tennis at the WIAA state tournament.

Athletic encounters:

This blog has had brief encounters with quite a few athletes and coaches in its time. This blog didn't play against any famous athletes head-to-head, but was able to meet a few for a few minutes.

1. Homer and Bryce Drew - Both were at the Mid-Contenent Conference tournament in Tulsa, OK, watching Valparaiso's women play and this blog approached them for autographs. Homer was very gracious and amiable, every bit the gentleman that his public image projects. Bryce was on his cell phone but was happy to sign and as nice as you can be while talking on a cell phone yet still addressing the autograph seeker.

2. Marcus Allen - Kansas City Chiefs training camp in River Falls, WI. One year Pun City's brother and this blog asked him for an autograph just as he had refused a group of about 15 regular autograph hounds. In fairness to them, he said he couldn't, although he seemed to wish that he hadn't turned down the group and probably wouldn't have if he had known we were there. The next year, this blog was able to get his autograph. Pretty nice guy.

3. Joe Montana - Also Chiefs training camp. Very elusive, would never sign for any more than the bare minimum it took for him to get from his dorm into the meal hall. This blog realizes he had a lot of demand for his time, but that was a little poor.

4. Jim Larranaga - Cinderella George Mason's head coach, at the CAA tournament in Richmond, VA. He was in a concourse watching a game prior to GMU's matchup later in the day. This blog handed him a jersey and asked for his autograph. He nodded and signed in blue on the green part of the jersey, thus obscuring the autograph. (This blog had hoped he'd sign on the white number, but oh well). A very brief encounter, for as affable as he seems in the media, he came across as very introverted during this particular meeting.

5. Shane Battier - Hotel lobby in Indianapolis, IN during the 2000 Final Four. Duke was not in the Final Four, he had just completed his junior season. This blog believes he was in town for a summit on collegiate athletics as a student-athlete representative and probably as an NABC All-Region team rep. The hotel was hosting a pep rally for Wisconsin's fans. He had to get through the crowd to get to his destination, and was working the crowd very well, giving high fives and saying something to the effect of "Alright Wisconsin! Go get 'em!" He seemed pretty cool to be doing that when other student-athletes (like Brian Cardinal and to a lesser extent Marcus Fizer) and head coaches (like Steve Fisher and especially Bob Huggins) just shuffled past trying to avoid all fans. Cool guy, Pun City's a fan.

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