Tuesday, January 17, 2006

The Vaunted Shirt Order And Its Rules

This blog is off to Ohio for a few days, taking in the Wisconsin-Ohio State game on Wednesday. But this blog is the kind of blog that will post at 1:45 AM just to make sure the Tuesday post gets out there.

There's been some requests to hear what the rules are for the famous hat/shirt rotation this blog employs. So this blog will lay it out for you, hopefully in simple enough terms.

1. This blog has 2 closets full of shirts, casual and dress.
2. Dress shirts are rotated straight through and have no bearing on which hat is worn.
3. When a white dress shirt comes up in the order, this blog wears a tie. Some other occasions prompt tie usage with colored dress shirts. Usually this would involve a wedding or job interview though.
4. Dress shirts are worn only when absolutely required, i.e. while at work, church, or another formal event.
5. Casual shirts are worn whenever possible, usually the first opportunity on a given day is immediately after returning home from work.
6. Long-sleeved casual shirts do not have assigned hats. When a long-sleeved shirt comes up in the order, it is this blog's choice as to which hat is worn.
7. Weather can dictate whether or not the actual next shirt in the closet is worn. This clause is most often invoked when it is too warm to wear long sleeves and a long-sleeved shirt comes up next in the order. On very rare occasions, and with only the most extreme cold, short-sleeved shirts are skipped for a long-sleeved shirt.
8. Short-sleeved shirts, jerseys, and sleeveless shirts are included in the order. These are the only shirts matched up with specific hat. Each shirt is assigned a specific hat, and this is the only hat worn with that particular shirt. When laundry is completed, all shirts are hung in the back of the order in the closet. Their paired hat is put in the same order so that the next hat corresponds with the next shirt.
9. A final possible exception is that of a live sporting event. When this blog attends a live sporting event for which it has an appropriate shirt or hat, the next of these relevant combos in the order is worn. This "skips" over any shirts that do not apply to the given sporting event.
10. Once a shirt is worn, it is placed at the back of the order, regardless of where it came from. So, if a shirt skipped others because of weather or a live sporting event, it does not re-take its place in the order, instead moving to the back of the line so that it has as long as possible between wearings.
11. Also very rarely, multiple shirts and hats must be worn on the same day. The most common examples of this would be when this blog attends multiple sporting events on the same day; or when a particular shirt gathers a great deal of sweat (or dirt) and would then be gross to wear the rest of the day. Whenever possible, steps are taken to ensure that only 1 shirt (or at least only 1 hat) are worn per day. Ways to deal with this would include wearing an undershirt (which is not part of the order) or possibly a long-sleeved shirt to keep hat continuity. This blog is not above going shirtless for a time, especially in the summer. Another possibility is wearing a jacket or "shooting shirt" with no other shirt.

So hopefully that clears stuff up. Most likely it muddies the water even more, but this blog will gladly answer any questions.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is a "shooting" shirt?

11:20 AM  
Blogger Cooler Brian said...

A fair question. A shooting shirt is a "shirt" basketball teams use in warmups, when they are shooting. Most shooting shirts are buttoned down the center, and are fairly similar to bowling shirts. Because they are made out of a heavier material, and are normally short-sleeved, they don't really fit in the order too well. I only have 1 of these, and normally I'll wear it as an overgarment when it's windy or something like that.

11:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are sooooooooo weird!!!!!

2:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for your response. What do you consider as "windy"? Does there have to be a certain speed to the wind for you to consider it windy? How about "gusty"? What if it not windy, but just gusty?

2:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you have a favorite hat/shirt combo? Maybe you can give us a Bork top 5 hat/shirt list.

4:25 PM  
Blogger Cooler Brian said...

Alright, getting to the rest of the questions:
1. Guilty as charged.
2. At this point, all I can disclose is that the process involves an anemometer and 2 pairs of tin snips.
3. It's tough to determine an exact favorite pair, but I'll work on that top-5 list.

9:09 PM  

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