Satellite Bob: The Man, The Myth, The Legend

Good evening, Pun City's a little under the weather this evening, but it's going to see what it can do. Shouldn't be a problem though, this entry writes itself....

Last Wednesday, Pun City, after a 5-month wait, finally ended up getting satellite installed at the Condo. (Or Condotel as it is sometimes called). The process was somewhat of an ordeal, however the story ends up being priceless.

The first introduction Pun City had to technician Bob was over the phone. He seemed a little informal, but guy's a satellite installer, not a consierge.

Later Wednesday, Pun City got to meet Bob in person. Pun City swears that these details are factual. Bob was wearing a 96.5 WKLH t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off. The shirt dated to approximately the late 1980s and was worn to the point of translucency. Another part of his ensemble was a pair of fairly short shorts, with a pattern reminiscent of Zubaz but not exactly that style. Oh yeah, and those were also translucent.

Completing the look was a hairstyle that went to about mid-back (2+ feet long), very wavy and slightly greying.

Details of Bob's life were sketchy. He used to work for the Brewers "until (he) decided to grow his hair out." He was also in possession of a gigantic drill, with a $300.00 bit that was capable of 1-inch round holes and probably was about as long as Bob's hair. He had gotten this from "the guy that got him into the satellite business, and then screwed him out of $240,000 - it's a long story." "The one thing that was good was that he only used top-of-the-line equipment. Personally, I would never get this."

Pun City didn't pry beyond this info. Bob seemed to be missing an entire decade somewhere, as the following conversation happened:

Bob (looking at Pun City's 1994 World Series ball): "Nice, what year was it, '91, '92?"

Pun City: (Gives quizical look)

Bob: "That the Brewers went to the World Series?"

Pun City: "82."

This was not because he wasn't a sports fan, as noted earlier, he had worked for the Brewers. Pun City can only assume that 1982-1991 was a blur for him.

This is not to say that Bob does not stay busy. Despite never wearing hats, he does have a collection of hats he receives as gifts - "only stuff you can't buy." Among the hats he owns are a florescent orange Alabama hat (the band, not the state); and a "Girls Gone Wild" hat he got for working on the sound for one of their videos. That's right, this guy was part of the production crew for a Girls Gone Wild video.

Some other gems from Bob:

On his 1500-piece Guitar Pick collection: "That puts Hard Rock Cafe TO SHAME!....I mean, they've got guitars and outfits and stuff, but..."

"We're a noon to midnight business. Call in the morning, you're DEFINITELY getting voicemail. Call at 11:00 at night - not too late, I'll pick up."

On a picture of 3 bikini-clad women on the back of one of Pun City's Sports Illustrateds: (craning neck to get a better view) "Nice! You gotta appreciate good art!"

Entering the condo for the first time: "I've gotta you-know-what like a racehorse! Can I use your facilities?"

Same topic: "I was going to just go outside on a tree but I figured that you guys might get in trouble if anyone saw that."

So there you have it, this guy was (and is) pretty legendary. We all should be able to meet a Bob-like personality at some point.