The Secret Underworld of Deck Swabbers Exposed!

This blog has heard some clamoring to hear about its co-workers. This is not especially surprising, because who among you wouldn't want to gaze into the mystical lives of Deck Swabbers and the intriguing lives they lead. This blog always aims to please, so here goes.

This blog cannot say enough about its co-workers. When this blog is working with its co-workers, it gains real-life experience. The chance to work with this blog's co-workers is definitely an opportunity, that's for sure. The group of professionals this site works with are quite a group to work with. Without its co-workers, this blog doesn't know what it would do, or with whom it would do it. The last thing this blog wants to do is think about that. Mainly because this blog has a headache, and thinking in general isn't helping matters.

Both of this blog's readers have to realize that sometimes this blog gets into a tough spot, and sometimes its co-workers do too. The last time time that this blog wasn't at it's job, it was after business hours. Come to think of it, that time is now. The last time this site didn't go to work for an entire day was definitely on a weekend, though. And this blog is not scheduled to work on weekends, so you can imagine what that means. This blog's guess is that the same could be said about its co-workers. But it's possible that they're all working right now. You never know with those co-workers, if you know what this blog means. Damn skippy. That's a lotta dimp.

Conversational American

Our topic for this evening is: Conversational Blow Outs. These are not conversations about Jonathan's TV show on Bravo. (Though, this would be possible, even likely if Jonathan was talking) This blog made up the term, to describe very one-sided conversations. The losing side of these conversation usually consists of the following string of comments: "Uh huh." "Whoa." "Nice" "There you go." "Ohh." (Nodding) "Hmm."

The other half of the conversation could be any topic. The only key to this half is that the other "participant" in the conversation can have little to no contribution on the subject. Topics that are extremely prone to conversational blow outs are: Your kids. Your cats. Any profession. Fantasy Football (though especially to non-players). Poker. Your last golf round. Microbiology. Clogged plumbing.

The truth is, just about everyone is guilty of conversational blow outs. This blog probably is most guilty when discussing college basketball, NCAA realignment, and its profession and/or its co-workers. A great service to those around you is to recognize that the blow out is underway, and nip it in the bud.

Unfortunately, this does not often take place. So here's a tip to any social miscreants that may have stumbled upon this site: One-word or zero-word responses do not indicate any degree of fascination. In reality, such responses are indications of boredom, or disinterest. This blog's only suggestion is to try and pick a topic that's either mildly universal, or previously confirmed to be of interest to your partner in conversation. At the very least, be prepared to finish the conversation early on account of partner disinterest. In the world of conversational blow outs, there really are no winners.

Alright, now that the public service announcement section of the post has been completed, on to some puns.

While lighthouses were a nice side trip to Augusta, lobster was the family's Maine attraction.

The NBDL player was feeling b-leaguered.

Given the media's pervasive nature, Janet Jackson keeping her child under wraps for 18 years was a minor miracle.

On a final note, this blog would like its homies to pour a 40 in memory of the Grafton Burger King. Rest in peace BK, you won't be forgotten.

Grateful Red-Letter Day

Ah, you smell that? In the air? Oh yes, your nostrels do not deceive you. It's the unmistakable smell of COLLEGE BASKETBALL SEASON!!!

This blog apologizes for that outburst, it didn't mean to scream at you. But the season is here, and Pun City is bursting with excitement. This is no ordinary amount of excitement, either. Pun City is bursting with excitement in the same way that Pop Rocks are bursting with flavor.

It's hard to make any predictions for the 2006 National Champions at this stage, so it promises to be an exciting year. Duke is probably as good a bet as any team (as usual), so that's Pun City's preseason #1.

Last Friday, October 14th, Pun City was priveleged to attend the "Night of the Grateful Red" at the Kohl Center in Madison, WI. The first "practice" for the Wisconsin Badgers was a fun time. Brian Butch, a former McDonald's All-American, won the team 3-point contest. This is especially notable since Butch is a 7-footer. This blog expects a big year for him, and not just physically. Freshman Marcus Landry took 4th in the team slam dunk contest, though his finish would have been higher had he made some of the spectacular jams he attempted. Landry will be a more than competent backup point guard (truth be told, he could end up starting by year's end), and should compete for Big Ten Freshman of the Year.

Another Freshman of the Year candidate would be DeAaron Williams, a redshirt who tied for the slam dunk contest title (with Junior Alando Tucker). Williams is a phenomenal athlete with a striking resemblance to rapper 50 Cent. Badger fans (like this blog) hope that his year culminates with a nickname like "Final Four Bits."

Perhaps the best part of the event was the amount of fun the players, coaches and fans had with the marketing event. This blog was just about rolling in the aisles watching player and coach introductions. Introduced with Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger" blaring, Landry broke out his shadow boxing, Junior Jason Chappell displayed a weight belt, Senior Ray Nixon doffed his hooded sweatshirt to reveal a ninja mask, and Tucker sported '80s-esque "Max Headroom" shades. To cap it off, Bo Ryan's stunt double walked to half court, then busted out some break dancing moves.

Not a great deal of actual practice, but certainly a ton of fun, and a chance for fans to get a glimpse of the Badgers, an opportunity that is often hard to find given that the season is sold out for the 3rd year in a row.

The New Marshall Plan

Previously on Pun City.....

So this blog ended up selecting trip #1 from last time, only to have it yanked out from under this site's grasp. Surprisingly enough, WCC tickets proved almost as difficult to come by as ACC tickets. This set off quite a scramble to come up with an acceptable replacement. None of the previous 6 captured this blog's imagination, so it got to work and came up with this:

Trip #7: Missouri Valley Conference, Mid-Continent Conference, and Conference USA.

3/2 MVC, 3/3 MVC, 3/4 MVC, 3/5 MVC, 3/6 Mid-Con, 3/7 Mid-Con, 3/8 C-USA, 3/9 C-USA, 3/10 C-USA, 3/11 C-USA.

23 Games. All 3 conferences new. Ticket cost about $290. 10 hotel nights, need rental car, 7 days off work. Haw, man. A fantastic amount of games. That's especially awesome given the ticket cost. Hotel costs are probably going to be rough, but it's just once a year, man. Total of 16 hours driving, broken up into 4 drives. Games would be in St. Louis, Tulsa, and Memphis. Tentative plan to stop in Russellville, AR to break up the 6-hour Tulsa-to-Memphis swing. (This blog doesn't mind driving 6 hours, but the drive would be starting at 8:00 PM, and since Anaheim-to-Reno, the rule is a 4 hour cap on night driving). Pretty good basketball here, Mid-Con is a low major, but it would be seeing their best games, and MVC and C-USA should be about even and very good as mid-majors. Getting to see Southern Illinois, Northern Iowa, Creighton, Valpo, Memphis, UAB, UTEP, and, coolest of all, UCF in person will be x-treme.

On a note to those trying to get Conference USA tickets: Do not go through Marshall University. The following is a transcript of Pun City's conversation with a Marshall U. ticket office employee:

Pun City: Hi, (this blog is) calling for information on the Conference USA Men's Basketball Tournament. (The site) was wondering when tickets would go on sale.

Rep: Yeah, those tickets aren't going to go on sale until March.

Pun City: Well....the tournament's in March.

Rep: Oh, I mean late February. We need to find out if we qualify for the tournament first.

Pun City: Doesn't the entire conference qualify for the tournament?

Rep. Um...It's our first year in Conference USA. We haven't gotten a lot of information on it yet.

And for any uninformed readers, per the Memphis ticket office, tickets will go on sale in November, and yes, every team in the conference qualifies for the tournament. Ridiculously enough, even the MAC, where Marshall played until this year, has every team qualify for the conference tournament.

However, remember that Pun City broke the story that Marshall basketball is planning to be postseason-ineligible this year (like it makes a difference).

It's a Pun-derful Life

Alright, this blog hasn't been living up to it's name too much recently. So let's roll that beautiful pun monologue.

First off, this blog would like to congratulate The Aviator on its Hughes success.

This blog was up last night watching the Packers play more competently than usual, but John Madden was yelling so much, they needed to put him on the hoarse trailer.

At this point, Madden's talked about Quarterbacks wearing wristbands with plays on them about 144 too many times. You talk about grossly overstating the point.

This site isn't much one for yardwork. The last time it helped move some dirt, it barrow-ly made it.

If a French movie with German subtitles was occupying this blog's cassette player, this site would have to rename it a Vichy-R.

Haha, this blog is historical.