When You're Down In The Dumps

This blog thought of a brutal pun while sitting on the john a few days ago.

Doctors administering suppositories are truly practicing Holistic Medicine.

Yeah, that was kind of crappy. Enjoy your day!

Traveblogue

This blog has been known to take an annual trip to multiple NCAA basketball conference tournaments the last few years. It's time to plan the trip for 2006. Here's the options:

Trip #1: West Coast Conference and hopefully Big Sky Conference.

3/3 WCC, 3/4 WCC (possibly Big Sky too if in E. Washington), 3/5 WCC, 3/6 Driving day, 3/7 Big Sky, 3/8 Big Sky.

Between 7 and 10 games. Both conferences new to this blog. Ticket cost roughly $110. 7 hotel nights, need rental car, 6 days off of work. 5 of 8 Big Sky schools would be within driving distance. 1st round of conference tournament (on 3/4) is at high seeds, which is really just 2 schools (3rd and 4th place in conference) due to 6-team tournament. 2nd and 3rd rounds will be at #1 seed's campus. 5 of the 8 conference schools are within driving distance of Spokane, WA. Clearly a risky gambit, but this will be one of 2 forseeable years when the Big Sky is geographically compatible with any other conference. Some big pros include being at Gonzaga's campus for the WCC and having a whole day to drive at most 8 hours, but probably more like 3-6 hours. Also get to cruise around Idaho, Montana, Oregon, and Washington.

Trip #2: Mid-Continent Conference, Big 12, and hopefully Southland Conference.

3/4 Mid-Con, 3/5 Mid-Con, 3/6 Mid-Con, 3/7 Mid-Con, 3/8 Possibly Southland, 3/9 Big 12, 3/10 Big 12, 3/11 Big 12, 3/12 Big 12.

Between 18 and 19 games. All 3 conferences new. Ticket cost roughly $280. 9 hotel nights, need rental car, 7 days off work. Only 4 of 8 Southland schools within driving distance of Tulsa, OK. All games are at high seed. Southland much more risky than Big Sky based on past performance of the driveables. Total of probably 13 hours driving, really only 2 days that would require driving. Big 12 somewhat risky as well based on selling out their tournament a lot. Big pros include the warmest weather of the choices, and the Big 12 is playing in a brand new arena in Dallas. Southland has a very cool logo so that would be a sweet shirt to get. Aside from this, Big 12 arguably the best conference among the choices.

Trip #3: America East Conference, Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference, and Big East Conference.

3/3 America East, 3/4 America East, 3/5 Metro Atlantic, 3/6 Metro Atlantic, 3/7 Baseball Hall of Fame, 3/8 Big East, 3/9 Big East, 3/10 Big East, 3/11 Big East.

20 games. All 3 conferences new. Ticket cost roughly $360. 9 hotel nights, need rental car, 7 days off work. Total of 12 hours driving, 4 days which this blog would need to (America East in Vestal, NY, 3 hours from NYC & airport). Big East very moderately risky due to ticket availability. These conferences have had the same sites the last 3 years, so this trip is possible to save. Big pros include the Hall of Fame, which this website has always wanted to go to, and a possible meeting with the Road Trip guys. Big cons include New York driving and hotels. Having Marquette around this blog's area (and maybe getting a 5-game pack) helps with the ticket situation.

Trip #4: Sun Belt Conference, Atlantic 10 Conference, Conference USA, and SEC.

3/2 Sun Belt, 3/3 Sun Belt, 3/4 A10, 3/5 A10, 3/6 A10, 3/7 Sun Belt, 3/8 Conference USA, 3/9 CUSA, 3/10 SEC, 3/11 SEC, 3/12 SEC.

27 games. 3 of 4 conferences are new to this blog. Ticket cost roughly $390. 11 hotel nights, need rental car, 9 days off work. Total of 19 hours driving, 4 days which this blog would drive. A10 and SEC may be slightly tough to get tickets for. Big pros include good weather, probably the best overall basketball of the choices, giving the Sun Belt a better shot (This site has seen 1 half and an overtime of their tournament games). Also some nice symmetry since Sun Belt is 30 minutes away from SEC, allowing a tidy same airport rental, a necessity for these trips. Stops include Murfreesboro, TN - Cincinnati, OH - Memphis, TN - Nashville, TN.

Trip #5: Big Ten Conference.

3/9 Big Ten, 3/10 Big Ten, 3/11 Big Ten, 3/12 Big Ten.

9 games. New conference. Tickets roughly $225. 3 hotel nights, no rental car, 4 days needed off work (This site would take 5). Total of 12 hours driving, 2 days of driving. Tickets shouldn't be a problem. Big Ten only in Indianapolis every other year, this site wants to see them there instead of Chicago. Probable visit from a friend for 1 or more games. Big pros include Conseco Fieldhouse, best arena in sports according to Road Trip guys. Indianapolis also is an awesome town. Great trip, though available a lot, and Badgers probably not the favorite this year.

Trip #6: Mountain West Conference.

3/7 MWC, 3/8 Off, 3/9 MWC, 3/10 MWC, 3/11 MWC.

New conference. Tickets roughly $148. 5 hotel nights, rental car debateable, 5 days off work. No required driving. Tickets no problem. MWC in Denver every year. MWC unfortunately down this year, so not ideal basketball. Possibly meet a friend on 3/8, the friend lives in Boulder. Big pro is Denver rules, could possibly order a Denver omelette. Also, Mountain West logo is awesome, making a nice t-shirt, and it's at the Pepsi Center, which is a very cool arena and home of this blog's favorite Western Conference team, the Nuggets.

Feel free to vote on your favorites. Just leave a comment if you like.

Bejeweled 2: "You Were Meant For Me"

This blog has an example of an awesome synthesis that recently occurred when this website was visiting its friend at msn.com. The song "The Launch" by DJ Jean was playing on iTunes while this blog was playing Bejeweled 2.

It would seem that it was destined to occur, so this site challenges anyone to come up with a better song to have in the background while playing that game. The uptempo beat, combined with the countdown that goes along with Bejeweled 2 (and Bejeweled, of course) was a perfect fit. So if you can get your hands on that piece, and enjoy playing a game of Bejeweled or 2, this blog will suggest the combo, you will most likely not be disappointed.

On that note, this blog decided it's time for another brutal pun:

The old-fashioned teacher considers himself a chalk-a-holic.

There's some dry humor for you. Might make you want to move on to another site and start with a clean slate.

Unlocking The Vault

This website recently had the opportunity to taste Coca-Cola's new demo product, Vault. Vault is billed as a "hybrid" between a soda and an energy drink. Supposedly it "drinks like a soda" and "kicks like an energy drink." It's currently being test marketed in 6 states. The closest one to this blog's state happened to be Michigan. On a recent trip to Michigan, this site decided to give it a try.

At a gas station in Climax, MI, this website picked up 2 20-oz. Vaults for 2 bucks. That's an okay deal for soda, nothing special, but slightly below regular price. This website isn't sure that the Vault's flavor was inconsistent through the bottle, or if this blog's palate just got Vault-saturated as it drank more. In any case, Vault didn't seem to be "locked-in" to a flavor. Initially, the Vault tasted pretty pleasant, almost like a lighter Mello Yello. Later on in the bottle, it tasted slightly different, a little more fruity, and somewhat close to Vault's forerunner, Surge.

The bottom line is that Vault averaged out to a combination of Surge and Mello Yello. At no point in time did it come close to resembling an energy drink. As a bonus, it has a cool looking bottle. This blog wouldn't necessarily recommend Vault, but it's a decent change of pace every once in a while. If you want to look really cool and seem as though you are on the cutting edge of soda consumption, keep some in your fridge for decoration.

Return of the MEACKIE

This website can't believe it didn't notice this earlier, but here's some classic stuff. The Mid-Eastern Athletic Conference has unveiled a mascot for itself, MEACKIE. As a big fan of mascots, this website thinks this is a pretty awesome idea. This blog also thinks that a giant MEAC logo for a head is a wicked awesome way to go.

The pictures shown on the MEAC website aren't very big, but this blog did notice that MEACKIE's shirt has logos of all 11 member schools. Perhaps this was not the greatest idea, because if this blog was a super fan of a MEAC team, it would see MEACKIE's shirt and want to punch 10 strategic locations on it. At the very least, this blog would want to point to it's team of choice. With all of that punching and poking, whomever ends up wearing the MEACKIE suit might end up garnering hazard pay.

Also of note, despite the MEAC being an 11-school conference, they had MEACKIE designed by a (SEC Member) South Carolina student. Maybe Morgan State suggesting "Nuclear Meactor" didn't meet warm reception, and Florida A & M's "Meaction Jackson" didn't make the cut.

In any case, this introduction raises intriguing possibilities. Could we see a Big Tennie in the future? Perhaps a Wacky WAC mascot? The most natural (hiyo!) conference-mascot tie-in would be Poison Ivy with the Ivy League. This blog is tremendously hopeful more organizations take the MEAC's cue. Outstanding.

Break Michigan

Pun City is on hiatus (in Michigan) until Monday, August 8th. Pick out your own favorite post from the past. In the interim, remember that Microsoft Office is something this website Excels in.

In-N-Out: Your Right Foot On Hokey Pokey Day

Well, let this blog crank out another fast food review while you're waiting for the House ways and stairs committee.

Up for review today is In-N-Out Burger. This is a small chain based in California, with locations also in Arizona and Nevada. Based on where it's at, this particular website doesn't get to visit it very much. Also due to it's home base, it ends up being mentioned in some TV shows and movies, such as The Big Lebowski. You also may have heard about it based on some secret codes you can use to get items that aren't on the menu. Kind of a cool idea, though somehow simultaneously nerdy and elitist.

Pros: In-N-Out makes a decent burger. It's also the only place this blog has ever seen 7UP on tap. Most likely, very few of you have ever had 7UP straight from the tap. Let this blog say that it is completely different from canned (or bottled) 7UP. Because of this, the 7UP tastes really awesome. Also, the fries at In-N-Out are excellent, which is really a must if you want to be a good fast-food spot. A pretty decent value as well, with the reputation this place has, they could really charge a lot more. The speed of service is acceptable. A slight wait, but not anything this site can't handle. Aside from these points, In-N-Out has maintained relative menu consistency throughout its 5+ decades of existence. That's a good thing.

Cons: This is tough, because In-N-Out can't really correct some of these. Easily the biggest con about In-N-Out is how overrated it is. With as much overexposure as In-N-Out has had, this blog half expected a 1 lb. burger grilled to perfection for a buck. Obviously, no fast food place can live up to this hype. In-N-Out was very good, but not worthy of the ridiculously high praise it receives. Another con, especially as far as this blog is concerned, is the ingredients In-N-Out puts on their burgers. This blog is no fan of onions, lettuce or thousand island dressing. All of these show up on In-N-Out's offerings. Fortunately, they at least ask you if you want the onions. This website realizes that you can ask to take off just about any condiment, but it's a pain, plus this site doesn't have time to research what to take off of every restaurant's burgers before the site visits their establishment. Beyond this, special requests always increase the preparation time.

Overall Ranking: 8 out of 10 fryers. This is a very good fast-food stop. A must for any fast food connoisseur's list of places to go. Good tradition, good atmosphere, fries are fantastic. Burgers are pretty darn good, 7UP on tap a major plus. If they took the lettuce and "spread" off, and were somehow able to lower the hype and expectations surrounding them, they'd be higher.

Burger-only ranking: This blog gives it a 7.5 out of 10. The site surmises that a lettuceless, spreadless version of their burger would be right up there in a 9.0 area. The inconvenience alone downgrades them, which is unfortunate, but entirely correctable. That said, they've gotten their reputation for a reason, so this blog highly doubts it will have any influence on their consistent menu.

Go Postal On Them

This blog's working on a hyperlink translation of Stairway To Heaven, because no one knows what that song's about. Should be a tremendous challenge. For now, here's a pun for you:

The understaffed Post Office couldn't handle the stampede.

Enjoy that one. You'd be the first.

And some friendly advice for everyone: If you are going to testify before Congress, do not wag your finger at the Congressmen. That is not going to go a long way for your credibility.