Stupidity Killed The Radio Star

Today, this blog is commenting on a radio "hoax" that is somehow still in process, but fooling nobody. A Milwaukee radio station is the proprietor, however this site will not celebrate the station, merely forewarn other would-be radio "pranksters" that this is a poor idea. Well, perhaps an average idea being very poorly executed.

Alright, the first part of the "prank" is that the station had a $10,000 prize to give away. This is reasonable, radio stations have "nutty" giveaways like this all the time. The second part was the morning Shock-Jock wanting to give it all away in cash, so that they could hype up the contest by showing what $10,000 actually looks like. This blog could realistically see this happening, especially since one of the pre-requisites of being a local radio DJ is high stupidity.

This is where the "hoax" begins and the believeability goes out the window. Much like a Dick Tracy villain, the shock-jock decides to send his intern Big Loaf to cash the check and procure the money. As you might imagine, Big Loaf is known for two things: Obesity and Incompetence. So he was a natural choice for a job that, if screwed up, has major consequences.

In case it was not stupid already, this is where the story gets completely ridiculous. In a stunning turn of events, Big Loaf gets the money, but on his way back to the station, he gets into a 1-car accident (that suspiciously, no one sees). Because Mr. Loaf is such a genius (and is unharmed), he decides to go walk to a pay phone for help. This is especially believeable because no one has a cell phone these days and surely no one would have stopped if they saw a disabled motorist. In another spectacle of brainpower, Big Loaf decides he doesn't want to carry that much cash on his person, so he should just carefully "hide" the $10,000 under the seat.

This blog wasn't listening at the time this part of the yarn was unfolding, but it surmises that this turn of events was being broadcast on the air, encouraging potential thieves to seek out the car and claim the prize. This site would additionally guess that he was purported to be in a station-issued vehicle with giant logos on the side of the van, screaming "loot me."

Anyway, predictably, once Fat Loaf gets back to the car, the money is astonishingly all gone and replaced with a note. The note, which looks to be written in Lazy DJ Scrawl font, says "I've Got Your 10 GRAND...I'll Be IN CONTACT"

Seriously, does anyone leave a note anymore? Which 1st Grade class would fall for this?

Well, naturally, because of his lapse in judgment (in cashing the $10,000, unfortunately not for starting this moronic prank), the head shock-jock gets suspended indefinitely at this point. The story gains added credibility when the rest of the station's DJs go on and on about the topic throughout the day instead of talking about ways radio stations could recoup $10,000, like canning multiple DJs.

Completely insulting every listener's intelligence, the morning show awoke today to find that their website had been "hacked into" by the crook, and now all that is displayed is a copy of the ransom note. When they lost their last $10,000, the station must have fired their IT department, because the site is inexplicably still facing this predicament. Amazing how this "petty thief" also is a very skilled computer hacker. Chicks must totally dig him.

Perhaps the only funny part of this test of this blog's patience occured this morning, after "the culprit" called the station using a tinfoil voice muffler. The remaining DJs, unsatisfied with the initial call, appealed for the guy to call back. Most likely because they couldn't find someone to join in with this fiasco, they actually took calls from listeners at this point (Uh, guys, this is where you get your buddy on his cell to call in from inside the building, or better yet, have the sound tech act like he's calling from the outside). A priceless line was delivered by a caller, who stated "When are you going to quit the charade?"

Very timely call, and it garnered a realistically pissed-off comment of "When we say 'Nobody call in,' don't call in!" from one of the DJs. Her comment should have been, "Come on, we've still got ourselves fooled." Certainly no one else is.