Tuesday, June 06, 2006

You Lucky Blog....

This blog was cruising the blogocube the other day, and it found that everyone's phavorite Phonographer, Ronk Romens, would be ceding his blog to his spouse in what would appear to be some type of settlement. So far, the results have been a little rocky. With 2 posts reporting, the first appears to have major citation formatting issues, and in the second one, she admitted to having been urinated upon by a monkey.

These problems are nothing compared to what this blog's *cough* (mumbles)...*Cough* potential future wife. *cough* 's post might look like. Disclaimer: Pun City does not have a wife, fiance, ex-wife, potential wife, girlfriend, or any other combination of the words potential, girlfriend, prospects, possibility, wife, having a chance, date, or non-friend action. But here goes if you'll indulge Pun City in an absolute departure from reality:

If there's any advice this blog's wife can give the rest of my homegirls out there, it is this: Do Not Competitively Drink Absinthe. This blog's wife did, and aside from some cloudy images of some alien baseball players, the next recollection was a ring on this site's wife's finger and being called "Mrs. Pun City" by everyone.

At first, this was kinda cool, because this girl had always wanted to refer to herself in the 2.5th person. Is that what it's called? This dude is so off-center, this blog's wife isn't sure what to think. Who writes like that? This blog's wife means, honestly. But, this blog's wife knows what you're thinking, why stick it out? How can you put yourself through that?

The truth is, there are some perks to being Mrs. Pun City. First off, this blog's wife never has to worry about any health food being gone, since Pun City won't eat any of it. Secondly, this blog's wife has virtually unlimited access to whatever hat or wristband she wants to accessorize with (as long as she puts it back in the order when finished). Beyond this, the fridge is always extremely well-stocked with soda, so this blog's wife always knows it'll have an ample caffeine supply readily available. This blog's wife guesses that because of all of that sugar, you could consider Pun City to be a pretty sweet guy. See, after that comment, Pun City just gave this blog's wife a standing ovation. This pun will probably be able to be parlayed into getting the flat cleaned or at least getting some of these sports posters taken down.

This actually brings us to another perk of being "Mrs. Pun City." Normally, when accidentally stumbling onto a horrible pun, such as, "The Subway was below my expectations," this blog's wife would be accosted by its friends. With Pun City, this blog's wife was highly complimented and treated to a nice dinner at Burger King. (It was even worth suffering the inevitable pun-back from this site, a brutal "Yeah, the subway is the lowest form of ground transportation, a real bottom-dweller."

Aside from this, this blog's always headed to sports events, which is convenient when this blog's wife, with much lower frequency, wants to attend, it has someone to go with, along with a free ticket. And when this blog's wife doesn't want to go to a game, it's got plenty of free "alone time." And, when no sporting events are in the area, this blog's glued to the TV, so it doesn't mind when this blog's wife wants to watch TV for 5 hours straight.

Another advantage to being Mrs. Pun City is that Pun City doesn't have a chance with anyone else, so this blog's wife knows Pun City's going to be around for the long haul. And realistically, with today's divorce rate, where else can you find that kind of security? Alright, this blog's wife is getting the bum rush, Pun City's gotta go back and switch all of the "I's, Me's, and "-----s" to "Mrs. Pun Citys" and "This sites." Anyone know where to find a good divorce attorney?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

How could someone pass up a nice dinner at Burger King? Especially if it's the Northridge one. But nothing would have beat dinner at the Grafton BK (rest in peace, and screw you, yucky Walgreens!)

I was confused by the "free ticket" reference. I would have thought you would make her pay her own way on that.


8:01 AM  
Anonymous Wells said...

I like how you worked the "non-friend action" into there. That might have been my favorite part of any post ever.

12:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd bet the farm that if Mrs. Pun City was going to watch 5 hours of TV, it wouldn't involve a sporting event.

Better get ready for 4 episodes of Gilmore Girls as a warm you up to 3 hours of Titanic. Screw you, Leo. I'm glad you froze to death.

- Moike

4:51 AM  

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